Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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