hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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