thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
