i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
