Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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