I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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