I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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