glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
