I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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