If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
