It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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