I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
