o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
