Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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