I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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