Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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