I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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