I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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