I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
