I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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