Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
