I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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