Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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