i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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