We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
