My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
