if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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