dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
