i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
