see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
