Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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