so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
