Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I look better un-naked...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
