you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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