Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
