On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
