I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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