Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
