you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
