Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
