If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
