She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize