My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
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Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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