TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
