did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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