We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
