Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
