so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
