hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
