Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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