i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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