i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
