you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
