if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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