You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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