Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
