well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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