how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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