she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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