Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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