So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
