I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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