We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
