I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
