Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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