...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
