I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize