I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
