you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
