Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just fell off a train. Bad.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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