wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
