you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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