Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize