matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
