wanna go halves on a baby?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I could fuck to npr.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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