I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
